Daar word op die oomblik in die kerk meer gepraat oor self-ontplooiing as oor self-opoffering.-Anon.......As ‘n kerk haar woorde begin devalueer, dan word die kerk ‘n ramp vir die volk. - K Schilder

9/06/2008

Somerklasse vir Mans!

SOMERKLASSE VIR MANS by die Volwasse Leersentrum

Registrasie sluit 12 November 2008. Registreer vandag nog by Mart! Beperkte plekke oor! Koste: Gratis!! Enige iets wat by die bestaande leerplan gevoeg moet word, kan u gerus in u kommentaar byvoeg. Dankie.

Let wel: Weens die moeilikheidsgraad, word klasgroottes tot maksimum agt deelnemers beperk. KLAS 1: Hoe om ysblokkiehouers vol te maak. Stap-vir-stap met 'n skyfievertoning. Maandae en Woensdae, 19:00 tot 21:00 vir vier weke.
KLAS 2: Ruil toiletpapier self om? Ronde tafel bespreking. Saterdae 12:00 tot 14:00 vir twee weke.
KLAS 3: Is dit moontlik om die badkamer te gebruik en die sitplek op te lig en die vloer te vermy? Groepoefening. Saterdae 10:00 tot 12:00 vir twee weke.
KLAS 4: Fundamentele verskille tussen die wasgoedmandjie en die vloer.
Met foto-illustrasie en verklarende grafika. Saterdae 14:00 tot 16:00 vir drie weke.
KLAS 5: Aandete-skottelgoed - Kan hulle opstyg en self in die opwasbak beland? Video-voorbeelde ter illustrasie. Dinsdae en Donderdae van 19:00 tot 21:00 vir vier weke.
KLAS 6: Leer hoe om goed te vind deur op die regte plekke te kyk sonder om die huis om te keer en te skree. Oop forum. Maandae 20:00 tot 22:00.
KLAS 7: Hoekom dit nie sleg vir jou gesondheid is as jy vir haar blomme koop nie. Grafika en klankkasette. Drie aande: Maandag, Woensdag, Vrydag van 19:00 tot 21:00.
KLAS 8: Ware mans vra aanwysings as hulle verdwaal - Persoonlike getuienisse. Dinsdae om 18:00. Lokaal sal later aangewys word.
KLAS 9: Is dit geneties moontlik om stil te sit terwyl sy parallel parkeer? Bestuursimulasies. Saterdae 12:00 tot 14:00 vir vier weke.
KLAS 10: Hoe om die ideale inkopie-metgesel te wees. Ontspanningsoefeninge, meditasie en asemhalingsoefeninge. Ontmoet Dinsdae en Donderdae van 19:00 tot 21:00 vir vier weke.
KLAS 11: Hoe om serebrale atropofie teen te werk - Onthou verjaarsdae, huweliksherdenkings en ander belangrike datums. Sluit in hoe om te bel as jy laat is. Sluit serebrale skokterapiesessies en volledige lobotomieë deur baie behendige chirurge in! Drie aande: Maandae, Woensdae en Vrydae van 19:00 tot 21:00 vir vier weke. KLAS 12: Die stoof en oond - Wat dit is, waar dit is en hoe dit gebruik word. Praktiese demonstrasies. Dinsdae om 18:00. Lokaal sal later bepaal word. Diplomas sal aan die oorlewendes uitgedeel word. Klasse word deur Johannes gelei, wat al hierdie dinge op die harde manier geleer en 35 jaar se ondervinding het. Hy word bygestaan deur sy bestuurder en eggenote, Susanna.

8 comments:

Henrietta said...

No. 13 (of 12 (a) vir die wat iets teen die no.13 het): " To do" of " To buy"-lysies: 13.1 Waarom elke man 'n lysie nodig het; 13.2 Hoe om 'n lysie te maak; 13.2 Hoe om te onthou om 'n lysie saam winkel toe te neem; 13.3 Hoe om deur 'n lysie te werk. Hierdie reeks word gewaarborg om baie tot gelukkige huweliksverhoudings by te dra...

Mart said...

Dankie, Henrietta. Ek verwelkom enige voorstelle om die kurrikulum so volledig as moontlik te kry. ;))

Liza-Nel said...

KLAS 14: 'n Uitstappie na 'n groenteplaas waar die VERSKILLE tussen sekere groentes bespreek en uitgewys sal word, veral dié tussen blaarslaai en 'n koolkop...is 'n MOET asb.!!

My man kry dit net eenvoudig nie onder die knie nie - stuur ek hom om blaarslaai te gaan koop kom hy by die huis aan met 'n koolkop en nie een van ons eet graag kool nie...of het so baie vit a, b en c nodig nie.

Help asb.

Mart said...

Liza en Henrietta

Lyk my ons het 'n inkopie probleem wat dringend aangespreek moet word. Die lysie-noodsaaklikheid, asook die groente-onderskeiding sal beslis in die leerplan opgeneem word. Laat weet asb as daar nog iets is?

;))

Liza-Nel said...

O en voordat ek vergeet plak asb die volgende kennisgewing naby die ingang tot die lesingslokaal op:

WARNING: Beer Contains Female Hormones

Recently, scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologise when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

:-))

Henrietta said...

Ja, defnitief 'n groente-kursus : Gevorderde kursus oor die verskil tussen "baby marrows"/courgettes/langwerpige murgpampoentjies en mini-komkommers (die murgpampoentjies is OK in 'n slaai maar gekookte mini-komkommertjies - jiggie!

Mart said...

Dankie vir die bier-waarskuwing, Liza! Terloops, 'n vriendin sê netnou vir my ek moet ook vra dat 'n kitskursus oor brandewyn-en-coke en die uitwerking daarvan op vrouens in te werk...

Goeie idee.

Yf said...

Bespeur ek so bietjie feministiese bevoororodeeldheid? Miskien kan julle die kursus bietjie verleng deur die volgende by te sit?

THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play
two sports
and either take music
or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must
take care of his 3 kids;
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
and complete science projects,
cook, do laundry,
and pay a list of 'pretend' bills
with not enough money.

In addition, each man
will have to budget in money
for groceries each week.

Each man
must remember the birthdays
of all their friends and relatives,
and send cards out
on time--no emailing.

Each man must also
take each child to a doctor's appointment,
a dentist appointment
and a haircut appointment.

He must make
one unscheduled and inconvenient
visit per child
to the A & E.

He must also
make biscuits or cakes
for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for
decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside
and keeping it presentable
at all times.

The men will only
have access to television
when the kids are asleep
and all chores are done.

The men must
shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
adorn himself with jewellery,
wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes,
keep fingernails polished
and eyebrows groomed.

During one of the six weeks,
the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches,
and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or
slow down from other duties.

They must attend
weekly school meetings,
church, and find time
at least once to spend the afternoon
at the park or a similar setting.

They will need to
read a book to the kids
each night and in the morning,
feed them, dress them,
brush their teeth and
comb their hair by 8:00 am.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:
each child's birthday,
height, weight,
shoe size, clothes size
and doctor's name.
Also the child's weight at birth,
length, time of birth,
and length of labour,
each child's favourite colour,
middle name,
favourite snack,
favourite song,
favourite drink,
favourite toy,
biggest fear and
what they want to be when they grow up.

The kids vote them off the island
based on performance.
The last man wins only if...
he still has enough energy
to be intimate with his spouse
at a moment's notice.

If the last man does win,
he can play the game over and over
and over again for the next 18-25 years
eventually earning the right
To be called Mum!

Maar kan julle potjie maak sonder dat dit aanbrand? Of ordentlike braaivleis?

In absolute vrede