Daar word op die oomblik in die kerk meer gepraat oor self-ontplooiing as oor self-opoffering.-Anon.......As ‘n kerk haar woorde begin devalueer, dan word die kerk ‘n ramp vir die volk. - K Schilder

8/22/2008

Kerkglipsies

AFKONDIGINGSGLIPSIES

Die kerk se afkondigingsblaadjie dra die volgende items:

*Vir alle ma’s wat klein kindertjies het en dit nie weet nie — ons het ’n moederskamer net langs die kerk.

*Die blomme in die kerk sal geskenk word aan diegene wat siek is na die erediens.

*Volgende week word die kerkraadsvergadering Woensdag om sewe-uur gehou, en die predikant van Sondag is in die konsistorie opgeplak.

*Basaarafkondiging: Almal welkom! Kom gerus as jy niks aan het nie en kom deel in die pret.

*Ons gemeente gaan vanaand lekker melkskommels in die kerksaal drink, sal alle vroue wat melk skenk asseblief reeds om 18h00 daar wees.

*Ten tye van die predikant se siekte: Die Here is goed, ons predikant is beter.

*Ons het vanaand ’n byeenkoms in beide die oostelike vleuel en die westelike vleuel van ons kerkgebou. Babas sal beide kante gedoop word.

*Alle vrouelidmate kom Woensdag die elfde in die biblioteeksaal bymekaar vir ’n praatjie oor die hemel. Hoe jy daar kan kom? Vervoer is beskikbaar om 19h00 vanaf die bushalte oorkant die hotel.

*Eerskomende Sondag sal daar ’n spesiale kooruitvoering wees, waarna die kerk gesluit sal wees vir herstelwerk.

*'n Nuwe luidsprekersisteem is in die kerk geïnstalleer. Dit is ’n geskenk deur een van ons gemeentelede ter herinnering aan sy vrou ...

*Weight Watchers het weer vanaand hulle byeenkoms in die saal. Gebruik asseblief die dubbeldeure van die sy-ingang.

*November die negentiende om tienuur. Oggenddiens: Ds. Bruwer — Die wêreld se grootste probleem

Groete
johnny

6 comments:

Mart said...

Ghie-ghie-ghie!
Mooi man.

Wys jou hoe taalglipsies ook boodskap-glipsies word....

Ek het nou te lekker gelag!

:)

Henrietta said...

Ai, dit was nou lekker vroegoggend maagoefeninge - dankie! Hier is nog enetjie:

Die kategeseklassie het die geloofsbelydenis geleer, en elkeen
moes 'n stukkie daarvan voordra.

Die eerste een sê: "Ek glo in God die Vader, die Almagtige,
Skepper van hemel en aarde."

Die tweede outjie gaan aan: "Ek glo in Jesus Christus, sy
enigste Seun."

Toe volg daar 'n ongemaklike stilte. 'n Skril stemmetjie
verduidelik: "Die outjie wat in die Heilige Gees glo, is vandag
siek."

Mart said...

Henrietta! Nou het ek my slap gelag!!

"Die outjie wat in die Heilige Gees glo, is vandag siek."...Ghie-ghie!!!

Johnny, jy het kompetisie hier met humor!!

;)

Henrietta said...

Van der Merwe sit by die haarkapper. Terwyl dié se skêr so deur
sy hare girts, vertel Van der Merwe opgewonde oor sy voorgenome
besoek aan die Vatikaan. Alles is gereël, beduie hy opgewonde,
en die pous het ingewillig om hom te woord te staan. Eers moet
hy drie keer aan die derde deur regs van die St Peter's
Katedraal se hoofingang klop. Dan sal 'n Benediktynse monnik die
deur oopmaak, die wagwoord vra, waarna hy Van der Merwe drie
verdiepings na bowe teen steil marmertrappe sal begelei. Dit
bring hom in die pous se tweede sekretaris se derde assistent se
kantoor. Hier sal hulle flou Chinese tee drink. Daarna word hy
na die voorportaal van die pous se sekretaris se wagkamer
geneem. Hier moet hy so 30 minute vertoef, terwyl die sekretaris
se tweede assistent aan hom sal verduidelik presies hoe hy in
die pous se teenwoordig moet optree. Sodra die pous gereed is,
word hy die kantoor ingelei, en sal die pous sy hande op Van der
Merwe lê en hom seën.

Die haarkapper luister maar skepties na al die stories en girts-
girts voort.

Vier weke later sit dieselfde Van der Merwe, pas terug uit die
Vatikaan, in dieselfde stoel, selfde haarkapper, selfde girts-
girts.

Nou vertel hy opgewonde van sy besoek aan die pous. Alles het
verloop soos beplan - presies so. Hy vertel hoe hy by die pous
kom, kniel, die pous kyk hom liefdevol aan, sit sy hande op sy
kop...

Nou's selfs die haarkapper begeester. "En toe, wat sê die pous
tóé?," wil hy by Van der Merwe weet.

Van der Merwe: Toe die pous sy hande so op my kop sit om my te
seën, toe sê hy: "En watter swerkater het jou hare so
opgekoffie?!"
(Nie ek wat so slim is nie : BybelMedia se blaaitjie)

Henrietta said...

Blessed are those who can give without remembering
and take without forgetting.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
of an answer for her first question.

Gideon said...

Ek plaas die volgende net soos ek dit het:


KIDS IN CHURCH
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny
sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three
times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us
brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys!"

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed
the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster
piped up so that everyone could hear: "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under
five."

A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his
cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy
responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know
that?" Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like
the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced
to
his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the
little boy,"I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure itwill bemore fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

A 6-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a churchservice:
"And forgive us our trash passes, as we forgive those who passed trash
against us."

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon." How do you know what to say?" he asked. "Why, God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him
the money now, will he let us go?"

Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The flight to Egypt," said Kyle. "I see ... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus," Ms. Terri said. "But who's the fourth person?" "Oh, that's
Pontius - the Pilot.

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly: do you say
prayers before eating?" "No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don't have to.
My Mom is a good cook."

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit Still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon
all over again!' It worked."

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reachupto touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?